It’s great to get a thoughtful text from someone who is already thoughtful, that you have a great relationship with and communicate via other means.It’s not really very thoughtful if the length and breadth of their efforts (or yours) is to send an attention seeking and/or ego fishing text.Of course, for many of you reliant on text messages, the sad reality is that if you stopped texting, there wouldn’t be much or anything going on. If you’re looking to forge a relationship, it’s important to recognise that you cannot be available for a relationship, never mind a healthy one, if you’re on fantasy text island in an unavailable one. Whether it’s figuring out what’s going on in a troubling relationship, understanding you and self-care, or being more assertive, I’m here to help you guide you.
Narcissists and Betrayal The Truth About Adversity: The Will To Succeed The Year in Review: 9 Lessons We Learned This Year The Great Christmas Justification and Other Holiday Nonsense The Importance of Maintaining High Emotional Energy The Importance of Releasing Your Grief Energy Being Emotionally Honest Can Mean Standing Alone You Don’t Need To Catch Someone in the Act, Permission, Indisputable Proof, or a Private Investigator to Break Up With Someone Spotting Codependency at Work in Our Lives Healing the Inner Child The Many Faces of Denial: It’s Not Just a River In Narcissistville Working With Your Ex-Narcissist Do You Need to Talk?One of the most popular questions in my inbox at the moment is something along the lines of “My ex sent me a text saying Happy Holidays/Great result tonight/Did you see the snow? (or some other feeble message) – what should I respond with?” Some of you are even thinking ahead and clocking up some serious energy consumption pondering what you should respond with if you get a Happy Holidays/Christmas/New Year message. There is nothing in “Happy Holidays/Great result tonight/Did you see the snow? ” that says “I love you”, “I want to get back together with you”, “I’ve changed”, “I’m sorry” or even “I’m making a great deal of effort to show you how much I care.” If you attach any of these meanings and: 1) Start imagining your future 2) Respond back by pouring out your feelings 3) Invite them around for a shag 4) Cancel your plans or put everything on hold 5) Go into a tailspin and begin ruminating about what it all means, the Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda and yada yada yada 6) Call and keep calling in the hope they’ll pick up 7) Dump your current partner 8. Likewise, if you’re the sender, you shouldn’t be expecting much either.If you had to say it to their face or pick up the phone and follow up with action, would you still say the same thing? You end up imagining how they may be saying things based on how you’re saying things and there’s tumbleweeds where there should be tone – I know I read text messages in how I’d like to imagine they sound, which can be wide of the mark if you allow your ego, libido, or your imagination to get in the way.At least on the phone you can hear hesitation, change in tone, and face to face you can pick up on body language. Baggage Reclaim is a guide to learning to live and love with self-esteem by breaking the patterns that stand in your way.
Turn up at their home/office/place where they hang 9) Tell them all about themselves, or 10) Contact their new partner, you’ve had a seriously disproportionate response. You might think December offers up the perfect opportunity to reach out to your ex (read: attention seek but you may pitch it to yourself as being the bigger person or a ‘good’ person), but if a text is the best you can manage, it only goes to show that you’re trying to be risk averse and generate an ‘ideal’ maximum response out of a low effort.